No one will argue with the fact that people are influenced by the media to want to be thin. And no single platform has had more influence on our lives — what we read, watch, do — than the Internet. The Internet is used to get information about EVERYTHING.  Seeking information on diets, on improving looks, on plastic surgery, are some of the hottest topics searched on Google. And while many of these searches end in the simple gathering of information, some end in tragedy.

The Internet, with all the good it  has to offer, has become a breeding ground for eating disorders to develop in some individuals. Of course those people may already have genetic and environmental predispositions that can lead to the development of an eating disorder. But when someone is vulnerable and given additional opportunities to take their obsession in thinness to an extreme, they are more likely to develop a problem.

Online, girls, women and even men, are feeling added pressure to be thin. They are finding support to actually develop an eating disorder in various pro-ana and pro-mia forums and sites and they are getting lost in what may first appear to be a  path to happiness, but ends as a life threatening disorder.

Anorexia and other eating disorders are not new and not a result of the Internet. But consider how much influence and how much easier it is today for a lonely girl to find her way online to be part of a group that provides the illusion of love, admiration and support. “Thinspiration” is what they call the photos and images of women meant to be an inspiration to those struggling to get thinner. Where could you have ever found such content before the internet?

And perhaps just as harmful as the websites and forums dedicated to pro-eating disorder sentiments, the nature of interactions between young people online, is also potentially devastating. Almost every teen and young adult  today posts images of themselves on Facebook and awaits the comments to start rolling in. And inevitably they do come. For some, it is harmless, friendly and a simple way of sharing. But for others, it’s an invitation for criticism, insults and harassment. There  are countless stories of kids bullying one another, insulting and driving their peers to take desperate action — from becoming alienated from classmates to self harm and even worse, to suicide.

Most parents are well aware of online dangers that directly threaten their children physically — meeting strangers online, giving out personal details. And most are probably aware that they have to be aware of the content children are viewing — but in that case, they are usually only thinking about pornography. The average person is not even aware that pro-eating disorder websites exist. And in reality, we can’t start getting into a panic about each and every picture, video or Facebook comment our kids are exposed to.  Life in the digital age is having a profound impact on our lives and especially on our children’s lives. Getting educated and involved is the best way to ensure your kids are maintaining a healthy online life. You can choose to be proactive and block anorexia and other website content that you would like to filter out of your children’s lives.

Previously, I wrote a post on the difficulty I had in reporting abuse or harassment on Facebook. I was not impressed, to say the least, with how Facebook lends itself to reporting and dealing with any type of abuse. I am hoping that Google Plus is planning to tackle this problem more effectively. So far, they look more serious, but I have not had the need to try it out yet, like I have on Facebook. My kids are not using Google Plus yet, nor are their friends.

Here are the easy steps Google provides for reporting abuse:

Report inappropriate content
If you come across a post that violates our Content Policies you can report the post.

To report a post:

Click on the arrow at the top of the post.
Click Report abuse.
In the pop-up window that appears, you can identify why you’re reporting the post.
Once you’re done, a red flag will appear next to the post indicating that you’ve reported abuse. To undo the report, click the red flag.
Note: If there are multiple contributions to a post, a gray flag will appear to each update after you click Report abuse. You can then select the specific contribution to the post that you’d like to report.

Pro-Ana and Pro-Mia sites abound on the Internet. A study by Optenet actually revealed a 469% increase in pro-ana sites in just a short period, from 2006-2007!

Pro Ana and Pro Mia are the terms used to describe a support network of (mostly) girls and young women supporting anorexia and bulimia as a lifestyle choice.

This is important to understand. Most parents are not familiar with this concept and will not even realize they should look out for it since “support” groups are usually for positive efforts. But imagine a pro-alcoholism group where people support each other in their efforts to drink more, drink more often and to help one another hide their drinking problem. Now replace alcohol with the idea of starvation. Girls helping one another to place severe limits on calorie intake, encouraging each other to exercise beyond exhaustion and to reach weights where heart failure becomes a real risk. Frightening and shocking isn’t it? Bit it is an epidemic.

I am no longer shocked by much online but occasionally I find something that catches me off guard. I did a random search on Yahoo answers for pro-ana and discovered that just in the last 4 days, 14 girls posted questions there seeking pro-ana tips and pro-ana buddies. A pro-ana buddy is someone who helps another girl to limit her calorie intake. They support each other primarily online and usually do not know one another personally. And guess what — for each girl seeking help to be anorexic, there are lots of enthusiastic responses.

Keep in mind, this is not some underground website kept hidden from the eyes of monitors or parents. This is Yahoo — providing a platform for matching girls with anorexic support buddies. Join me in contacting Yahoo and asking them to take steps to eliminate this activity from their platform. Some web hosting services do not accept Pro-Ana web sites and will remove them when someone reports them.

Why should Yahoo contribute to the phenomena? Write to Yahoo and express your concern. Ask them to remove such posts.

You can sign a petition to remove pro-ana websites started by Vogue Magazine

MMO stands for Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing game. The most popular of these complex video games being World of Warcraft. Players develop virtual characters, interact with one another, cooperate, implement strategies. World of Warcraft alone is a more than $2 billion dollar industry! So you can imagine, even if you have never played, just how sophisticated and compelling an experience they must be creating for their players.

A unique aspect of an MMO game is that the game goes on, no matter what, whether you are playing or not because at any given moment, thousands or players are playing. There is no beginning or end. When a player is not playing, he is “missing” the action and falling behind other players that continue or play more frequently. The incentive or need to log in as many hours as possible is built in to the concept of the MMO game.

The unique set of characteristics of these games adds up to an experience that can be highly habit forming, if not downright addictive. Of course not all players get hooked, and for some it is a healthy hobby but for countless players, games like World of Warcraft of become a highly significant part of their life to the point that life can actually revolve around playing the game and the line between real life and gaming gets blurred.

It is not uncommon for players to spend a few hours daily playing, making it a routine part of their day. Many players have been known to lose days of sleep and anecdotal tales abound of  gamers showing many major symptoms of addiction. Gamers have lost  jobs, failed school, alienated friends, suffered physical symptoms of lack of sleep and nutrition, all due to their obsession and drive to log in as many hours as possible playing their chosen video game.

So what do you do if your son or daughter has started to play an MMO game on the Internet? First of all, of course playing in and of itself is not bad. These games offer a rich and interesting entertainment experience. But how can you make sure you do not play a part in enabling their compulsion to play?

Here are some tips to avoid enabling someone’s gaming  from turning to addiction:

1. Try to understand why your child is playing and if it is a healthy experience or if it is fulfilling a void, like a lack of friendships. Observe how much time the child spends playing, when they play, how they are acting before, during and after. Be aware of the role the game is playing in their life by simply paying attention and talking about the experience with them, without being judgmental.

2. Don’t take over their responsibilities to enable them to spend more time playing. For example, if they lose their after school job or don’t work, and should be, don’t provide them with spending money — don’t change your reasonable expectations.

3. Don’t schedule meals to meet their gaming needs. Don’t bring them meals to their room so that they can keep playing, even if they refuse to take a break.

4. Don’t pick up the slack in household chores — if they should clean their room and don’t, don’t do it for them. If they forgot to do homework and need last minute help, allow them to deal with the consequences themselves.

5. If the consequences for their behavior start adding up and the child does not recognize the problem or seek your guidance, approach them at a calm moment and express your concerns.

This is not about punishment or showing anger or disappointment. You need to avoid making the habit too comfortable so that the child or teen will recognize, on their own, that they are giving something up in order to maintain their gaming habit.

Here is my take on how Facebook handles Violating the Terms of Use policy. So far, it looks very lame.

I noticed an abusive comment on my daughter’s Facebook Wall. I knew the boy who left the comment is 10 or 11 years old, goes to a neighboring school and obviously his parents are not keeping an eye on how he uses Facebook. I naively thought that there should be an easy way to report, as a parent, what I know has happened. Here is how it went.

1. I tried to select the comment and report it directly. However, comments can’t be reported. Only wall posts, photos and pages can. So I decided to report the case as though I am not a Facebook user.

2. I received this standard letter back from Facebook:

Thank you for bringing this to our attention. The best way to flag abusive content on the site is to use the “Report” links that appear near the content itself. When a report is submitted, we will review it and take any action warranted by our Statement of Rights and Responsibilities. Remember that you should also contact the authorities if you ever feel threatened by something you see on the site.

This comment was not threatening. It was mean-spirited and among children, could be far too hurtful to allow. But it is not something that the police should be notified about. Does Facebook think users should be allowed to do anything which does not blatantly break the law? Why not add some basic tools for parents to be involved in their kids accounts?

To submit a report, please take the steps listed below:

• Report a profile: Go to the profile and click the “Report/Block this Person” link that appears in the left column below the profile photo.

Ok, I did this. But a list of choices appears that are not relevant to the incident. I want to tell them I am an adult/parent and this person is harassing my child. No such option:

• • This is my profile, but I no longer have access to it
  • This person is annoying me
  • This profile is pretending to be someone or is fake
  • Inappropriate profile photo
  • This person is bullying or harassing me

• Report a post or comment: Move your cursor over the top right corner of the post or comment you want to report and click the “x” report link to “Report as Abuse.”

This does not seem to work for comments. Believe me, I checked.

• Report a photo: Go to the specific photo and click the “Report This Photo” link that appears below the photo.

This works — and I suspect it’s something Facebook must need to be very good at or else risk all kinds of liability issues.

• Report an inbox message: View the message and click the “Report Message” link that appears below the sender’s name. Note that you can only report messages from non-friends.

This is absurd. Why can’t you report friends? Among kids today, the abuse is taking place primarily among “friends”.

• Report a group or event: Go to its main page and click the “Report Group” or “Report Event” link that appears at the bottom of the page.
• Report a Page: View the Page and click the “Report Page” link that appears in the left column below the Page photo.

We also recommend that you consider blocking the user involved in the report. People you block won’t be able to find you in searches, view your profile, or contact you with pokes, Wall posts, or personal messages. You can block people by adding their names to your block list at the bottom of the Privacy page, or by checking “Block this person” when you report them. These people will not be notified when you block them, and any existing ties you have with them will be removed.

OK, I agree that you should block people who are jerks and not friends. And in theory, if someone posts mean, abusive comments on too many accounts, eventually, he will end up with very few friends and learn his lesson. But again, I am talking about kids here. And Facebook should stop playing dumb. They know young children are using Facebook — at least a few million — so they need to find ways to protect them.

For all reports, be sure to follow the instructions carefully when choosing the report category. If you are unable to report the content on the site for any reason, please reply to this message with as much information as possible to help us locate the abusive content.

I’ll give this a try.  But bottom line — it’s cumbersome to report abuse unless it is on your account. I could have sat with my daughter an reported it together with her. But she was nervous about everyone knowing that she is a tattletale.   I want to suggest to the Facebook team that they get serious about protecting kids. Acknowledge that younger kids are using Facebook, add capability for parents to be able to help their kids manage their accounts by requiring children under a certain age (16?) to add their parents as their “Facebook Guardians”, for example. You guys are smart –  I am sure you can think of something. Meanwhile, I’ll keep telling parents that they can always consider just blocking Facebook

Yesterday, I was doing my routine review of my 10 year old’s Facebook Wall. Yes, she is 10 and has a Facebook account. And now you are wondering how can I, of all people, allow my daughter to use Facebook before she turns 13, the required age that Facebook set.

First, to address that legitimate question:

1. Facebook staff are not my benchmark for what is and is not acceptable for my child, although I do have a big problem with allowing her to basically lie to set up the account in the first place.

2. Facebook has, for good or for bad, (actually clearly for both good and bad) become a defacto part of life by which socializing is taking pace via Facebook, activities are being organized via Facebook and it is a very convenient tool. When my daughter tries to convince me to buy her an iPad because “all of the other kids have one”, I don’t fall for that and I am confident she is not hurt even if she will tell you she is. But in the case of Facebook, I don’t feel I can  prevent her use and I am confident my involvement keeps her safe and helps her learn how to use it responsibly. She and I talk about it frequently and I explain each incident that raises questions about how she or her friends are using it.

Now to the harassment problem.

My daughter wrote on her wall “I am having a tough day”. Immediately, girlfriends responded with supportive posts — “Talk to me”, “Feel better” , “I love you no matter what”, etc. Then I saw that a boy, whose name was not familiar to me but is one of her 500+ friends wrote, “Great! Maybe now you will kill yourself!”  I was very angry. Here is what I did.

1. I asked my daughter who he was and why he would wrote something like that to her. She told me he is in a neighboring school and she does not know him well. She was not overly concerned about what he wrote nor did she know why he would want to be mean to her. She did not take it to heart, fortunately. Note that for some kids that comment could be devastating.

2. I explained to her that she needed to report his post as harassment or bullying and to remove him from her friend list. Here is what Facebook Safety Center advises:

The Obama administration has turned healthy eating into one of the hottest topics in the news today. The latest headline — a new symbol is about to be released – the Dinner Plate — to replace the familiar, but apparently confusing Food Pyramid. First Lady Michelle Obama has made it one of her priorities to combat childhood obesity and she has taken on some not so small battles such as the food marketers pushing their products to children, getting kids to exercise more and educating families on healthier eating.

It’s inspiring. But it drives home an important fact about the way we live today. We have lost our way. We don’t know how much is too much, what is healthy, what is not healthy . . . I remember one of the first headlines after Obama took office — it was about the Obama girls 8pm bedtime! Why? Because American families have neglected to enforce reasonable bed times for their children and as a result more kids have concentration and behavioral problems in school  related to lack of sleep.  So after educating us on the need for kids to have reasonable bed times, Michelle Obama is now helping us to understand portions — how much to eat of each type of food.

Could Internet use be next on her agenda? I hope so! With most parents not playing any role in setting rules about how much time children can be online and what they are permitted to do online, the Internet is having a profoundly negative effect on our children’s lives. Don’t misunderstand – - I am not suggesting that the Internet itself is bad or that children should be online. I am suggesting that similarly to how parents get lost amidst all of the advertising and SuperSizing going on with nutrition and diet, parents are lost in the confusion of technology, social networking, online homework, mobile gadgets, etc. it’s hard to know how much time a child should be allowed to be online, what to allow and what to block, what’s healthy, what’s dangerous. And once they have a Smartphone, how can you even have visibility into their time spent in Cyberspace?

On the Let’s Move Facebook page, Michelle Obama says: “I am determined to work with folks across this country to change the way a generation of kids thinks about food, nutrition and physical activity.” I want to suggest we start acting on the Internet front as well, before it is too late. The obesity epidemic should be a warning to how devastating it can be to allow a nation to develop unhealthy lifestyle habits.

Microsoft conducted a research poll this year via its MSN site and the statistics it has revealed, published in early February of this year (2011), should leave every parent, adult, educator, law enforcement official and government office highly concerned!

Here are the highlights:

The Good News

• 87% of parents reported having had a talk with their child about online safety issues.
• 85% of children report limiting access to their social media sites to friends and family only.

________________________

The Bad News

• Only 36% of parents use parental controls or web filter software to actively protect their children online.
• 39% of children admitted to using online sites or playing video games that their parents would not approve of them using.
• 67% of children clean their cache so that parents can not check their history to see where they have been online (with a good filter installed parents could still view the history!).
• 36% take absolutely no action to limit or monitor Internet use in their home.
• 44% of parents were not aware of whether their children use privacy setting in their social media profiles to keep strangers out.
• 15% of children admitted to doing something online that was intended to be hurtful to someone else (cyber bullying).

Our children are vulnerable and it is our job as mothers and fathers, educators, etc. to protect them. But we are not. It’s too easy to pass the buck here. Law enforcement have their hands tied until it is too late and something happens. Educators can only do so much to teach kids Internet Safety and as long as no one backs them up, most kids are not going to comply to the warnings and advice. And governments are playing dumb and not taking meaningful action.

The current situation is that unless parents wake up and take responsibility for what their children are doing online, no one else is going to do it. You need to understand that what is available to children and teens – should not be. But it is. And if you don’t take care of ensuring that they are not exposed, they will be. And there are consequences.

Start by installing a web filter. Parental controls can make a very big impact in your ability to manage your family’s Internet use without requiring much effort on your part.

A few days ago,  I turned the TV on in the middle of the day (something I never do!) and the reality show, in which two mother’s switch homes for 2 weeks was on (Wife Swap?). One mother was devoutly religious and raising her children within a very rigid, well defined structure of rules, rewards and conditions. And in the spirit of this show, the second mother was the polar opposite, running a household where the kids had no rules, no responsibilities and no restrictions. I think it is safe to say that most of us would conclude after watching this that the healthiest home environment would be something that sits in the middle of these two parenting styles. But the first mother got me thinking. I’ll explain in a moment. Continue Reading

It’s official. Marc Zuckerberg is the Time Magazine Man of the Year. It’s not a surprise. Can you think of any single person who has had so much influence on so many people in such a short period of time? Most people don’t know much about him and probably the average Facebook user does not even know that he started Facebook just a few years ago while studying at Harvard but know him or not, your life  and your family’s life has been changed by Zuckerberg.

Facebook has brought a lot of good things to the world of social media and communication. And of course, like anything so pervasive and so new, there are a lot of concerns about how it has effected our lives. If you are on Facebook for hours at a time every day, if you prefer spending time with friends on Facebook in lieu of face to face meetings, well, of course something might be wrong. Social media should not be a replacement for REAL life. You need to check yourself and your children.

• How much time are they sitting at the computer?
• How much time is spent on Facebook, Twitter and other social network activity?
• How much time do they spend outside of school in real-life activities?
• Do they seem anxious when they don’t have acess to the internet?
• Is the computer in their room and on throughout the night?
• Are they tired?
• Do you have rules about Internet use in your home?

These are just a few questions you need to ask yourself in order to evaluate whether social networking and Internet use are being used in unhealthy ways. Most children are not capable to judge how much time they should spend online. Without any limitations or rules, they are likely to spend too much time at the computer. What is too much time? That is something you need to decide within your family, but consider the following:

Time spent online is time not spent doing physical activity.

Time spent sitting at a computer in unhealthy positions can cause back, neck, shoulder and eye problems.

Interacting with friends via a computer is much different than interacting in person and can not be a replacement for real life friendships. We are social beings and require social interaction.

The more time spent online, the more likely a child is to become dependent on Internet use.

It is the responsibility of every parent to create a safe and healthy environment for their children to grow up in. Setting clear rules and limits for computer use needs to be a part of creating that environment from the moment your children starting going online. You can not expect them to know what the limit should be without telling them and you can make it much easier for yourself and for your child by installing a web filter to manage the limits and rules automatically.

They are alone. It’s just them and the computer. It’s late at night and everyone is asleep or you are at work and they are home from school. Whatever the situation, your kids may be spending a lot of time alone and on the computer. Do you ever wonder what they are doing? Do you check? Do you talk to them about it? Have you set rules? Do they have a time limit online? Do you know the dangers and risks? Do they?

Remember the concern that used to be expressed over using the TV as a babysitter? Well, take that concern and multiply it by like a billion and that is how concerned you should be about leaving your kids alone online without any rules, restrictions, monitoring or limits.

Think about it. You leave a 15 year old boy alone with access to millions of porn sites. You really don’t think he is going to look? You leave a 11 year old boy at home alone with his friend on a rainy day. You really don’t think he is going to do a Google search for some choice words he recently heard? You leave a 13 year old girl alone in her room for hours every night. You really don’t think she is going to be tempted to leave a nasty comment on the wall of the boy that just broke up with her? You allow your 11 year old to play Zynga Poker on Facebook every day. You really don’t think there is an increased likelihood that he will start gambling with real money as soon as he finds he can online?

You need to wake up and take responsibility. As a parent,you need to be accountable for what your children are doing online.

Consider this. if an employee in Company X views porn on the Internet at his work computer and another employee walks by and sees it and is offended – she has a case for a lawsuit — against the company. For years now, companies have been held accountable for what their employees do online. Their concern over lawsuits and other legal actions has led companies to take action and deploy Internet usage policies and monitoring tools that allow them to be accountable and ensure that employees do not cross the line online.

It’s a matter of time before governments start to try to legislate accountability for online behavior at home. Cyberbullying, Internet Addiction, pedophiles, underage gambling, sharing inappropriate content among minors are only some of the issues. The liability is with parents. While until now, cases of cyberbullying often result in no more than a slap on the wrist or maybe forbidding a child from using the computer for a short time, as the phenomena grows out of control and the implications become more serious and overwhelming, something will be done.

But legislation and the law should not be the driving motivation for parents to wake up and be accountable. You already know that your kids need structure, rules, a schedule to follow in real life. You need to recognize that same goes for their online life. Just like you have visibility into what books, magazines, gadgets, products, etc enter your home and you expose your children to, take the same approach with what they do online. Can you imagine telling your 16 year old son he can join friends for an outing to a peep show? Probably not. So why can he sit in his room alone and do the same thing? Maybe he is or maybe he is not. but if you have never talked to him about it and at least set expectations and rules, how would he know that he should place limitations on himself?

Don’t expect, even the most responsible and well behaved children and teens, to be mature enough to exercise self discipline. Children expect that if something is accessible to them, it’s permitted. Why wouldn’t they?

The best solution? Set clear rules, discuss how they are permitted to use the Internet, set clear limits concerning time online and content and install a web filter that blocks out content that no one in the house should have reason to need – pornography, gambling, violence, drugs, pro-ana etc.

Many parents feel that they should allow their children complete privacy in their online activities. They may liken it to sneaking a peak at a personal diary or listening in to a phone call. But the Internet presents a very different paradigm and should not be treated with the same laissez fair approach as you may take with a journal or private conversations. Continue Reading

A fear of every teen today is what his mother may find out about him on Facebook. Imagine a Facebook filter that solves the problem!

dada, mama, enter

Research shows that our brains are changeable, over our entire lifetime. Without going into the neurological explanations, we can make the leap to the implications of this fact and safely assume that what we do, has an effect on our brains. And, in turn, what we do A LOT, can have a profound effect on our brains.

So when you compare a child that grows up with no exposure to the Internet to a child who grows up Continue Reading

That’s today’s average – 9 hours of time spent connected to technology every day. Teens and older children are spending the same amount of time online as their parents spend at work . . . and sometimes much more. For a young brain that is not fully developed, this amount of activity will undoubtedly have an impact Continue Reading

Everyone is on Facebook. Among children and teens, it’s as much a part of their lives as after school sports and homework. And for some, it is an obsession and even the most important part of their daily routine, often interfering with school, sleep, physical activity or just seeing friends in real life!  Parents need to take action to make sure their kids are keeping Facebook and internet use in balance. Take advantage of our Parental Controls Back to School Promotion – Use this  $5.00 Parental Controls coupon to buy now! Continue Reading

A Dr. Pepper Facebook campaign in the UK severely backfired when the Coca Cola owned brand started an edgy campaign to attract the attention of young customers.

The campaign got Facebook users to allow the advertiser to take over their Facebook status – Continue Reading

Many parents are under the impression that parental control  software is software you install on a young child’s computer just to make sure no pornography inadvertently pops up. For older children or teens, there is often an assumption that installing parental controls would be an invasion of privacy or an indication that the parent does not trust the teen to be responsible.  Continue Reading

My 10 year old daughter pleaded to open her own Facebook account this week,  claiming it would be an important way to keep in touch with friends over the summer and she likes to chat and share photos with family. I have mixed feelings and decided to give it a try and keep a close eye on her usage and the content that she and other kids post. Continue Reading

Ana Luisa Rotta, Director of child protection projects at Optenet, commented: “When you consider that more than one third of the Internet’s content is pornographic, combined with the overwhelming increase in young people now curiously visiting Websites with such ease of access, it is becoming increasingly imperative that adults take responsibility for the management of home PC security.”

Rotta added, “Security of minors is a major factor for parents and guardians. There is a growing trend for online role-playing games to encourage negative behavior, by rewarding violent and brutal activities within the online games. Additionally, some of these games provide a wide number of communication channels that allow multiple forms of interaction among users, such as chat, forums, Voice over IP (VoIP) and exchange of user-generated content. It is possible for those intent on abusing these channels, to employ them to carry out highly damaging and often illegal activities including cyber-bullying and the sexual harassment of minors.”

Other forms of content found most commonly on the internet relate to online shopping (+9%), travel and tourism (+5.7%), computer science and sports (+4.2%), and leisure and entertainment (+3.6%).